Work on that and other technical details, and you’ll do well. Cum on, the kid already brought lubrication? XXNX Work on that and other technical details, and you’ll do well. U missed the plot. 9 comments«12»anonymous readerReport 2012-06-03 10:39:03Poor story with no plot or characterisationmtnguy70Report 2011-02-17 02:20:23Nice story, but too many commas, and they weren’t usually in the correct places. U missed the plot. Work on that and other technical details, and you’ll do well. Cum on, the kid already brought lubrication? 9 comments«12»anonymous readerReport 2012-06-03 10:39:03Poor story with no plot or characterisationmtnguy70Report 2011-02-17 02:20:23Nice story, but too many commas, and they weren’t usually in the correct places. Work on that and other technical details, and you’ll do well. The people before me expressed my other thoughts. :)Anonymous readerReport 2009-07-13 22:35:08you got a good base for a story, now u just need more detail and for it to be much longer!
