49 comments«12345»anonymous readerReport 2013-01-24 15:32:59needs a major rewrite the paragraphs started good but got way to long at the end. way to much boring stuff and way to rushed what happened here in one day should be spread out over months. XXX 49 comments«12345»anonymous readerReport 2013-01-24 15:32:59needs a major rewrite the paragraphs started good but got way to long at the end. why did was she ok with fucking her brother seems she accepted it way to fast why was she being nice to him in the past when she wasn’t before. the plot holes are big enough to drive a semi through.Anonymous readerReport 2009-03-09 15:19:16That was a pretty good story, but poorly formatted. the plot holes are big enough to drive a semi through.Anonymous readerReport 2009-03-09 15:19:16That was a pretty good story, but poorly formatted. learn about dialog and paragraphs. why did was she ok with fucking her brother
