He agreed to have sex with me, and to the best of my knowledge at the time, he made good on our deal. Or so I thought. Xnx But I was thrilled to be done with it. I never brought it up. Both of our sets of parents were slowly but surely separating, and both Josh and I were paradoxically desperate to assert our independence from them by mimicking the very expressions of rebellion they had taught us. He was eager to make out and grope, but to my surprise and disgust, he seemed very uneasy about engaging in actual intercourse once I admitted—in the most blasé terms—that it would be my first time. This, now, was something else. We would go to crummy dives in the East Village to drink beer, listen to awful bands, and flirt with grown men.
